Low Carb Crib - Low Carb Candy

Get Your Low Carb Candy From These Strangers!

Things that are often dropped as if they were hot up in this Crib...

Ill rhymes.
Mad bucks.
Extra pounds.
Panties.

You got it. We distribute the low carbohydrate alcohol and snacks to our guests, so that everyone can party with a clear conscience. This Crib knows its low carb candy and it knows how to get down and get FUNKY.

The secrets of low carb candy and why we are so committed to its proliferation

The ladies, in particular, love the sweets. It is just the way they roll, those dames. But they are also worried about getting pudgy and turning off the brothers at the Crib, so we like to offer them an assortment of low carb foods. That way, they stay thin and keep them hourglass figures. Because the Crib has a strict No Fat Chicks policy, effective June 2004 when Brian got freaky with some girl that must have been a deuce, deuce and a half. Crazy stuff up in the Crib, I tell you.

In all seriousness, a woman's carb intake can regulate her health quite significantly. Empty carbs are just going straight to their guts, and we cannot have that. Whoever said that what counts is inside never met the money-grubbing hoes who frequent this Crib. They are as superficial as it gets and will not tolerate any food that's not low carb. And because we are equally superficial and don't want anyone around that doesn't have a slammin' body, we are more than happy to encourage all kinds of nice low carb diets.

One of the most popular offerings at the Crib is our low carb candy bowl. The girls love to sample some low carb chocolate and top it off with a nice Michelob Ultra. Then we crank the thermostat up to 105 so they strip down to next to nothing on the dance floor.